frying my mind ain't so bad (as far as i kin feel it)--

it's losing my teeth that truly frightens me.

it's listening to my father blindly spouting truisms.
so i may likely smoke prior to seeing him. this will also help me stomach any food stuffs he may suggest we devour.

i mind the people around me when they are not listening. when they are merely awaiting their turn to speak, counting their thoughts and the seconds and gripping tightly to their words with their tongues behind tight lips.

people and their influences. their influences bother me as well. why couldn't they float past the gate of possibilities. why must they insist on following the same tunnel without exploring the windows on their way. without investigating the source of light shining high or to their far left sides upon the aging roads they tread.

i'm unwinding blissfully, arrogantly, ignorantly. i hardly know what goes on around my own perimeter, where do i get the gall, the nerve, the inclination that i know better.

i only want to step upon a stage and bang my drum and sing with a proud tightness around my eyes and a wide mouth excreting the biggest words i can think of with abandon.

i want to live with abandon.

observations of the day

"whoah, suppose something goes wrong?"

why do i often feel like i'm being watched ... ..?
when i'm the one doing the watching?
does it come with being anti-social?


people with cell phones
bother me nearly as much as people listening to top for radio (or the recent surge of shitty techno-hop which is "hip" by definition right now)


my world gets bigger
only as i step outside its basic perimeter 

yes i see you pan
but i've no real pride or fight

but then i have stood there before

and you know, i did have my Pride and Fight

Yes.

And shit, man, i've still got my teeth. 

i'm doing the watching for my own mind.

i've the choice to point the lens any which way i can.

My expressions/i dare myself to make them poignant. Regardless of the thought's length, i'm not to spit a breath from my mouth until a coherent well structured statement is created.

will i remember? (i love to doubt myself)---> uhp that came out without a thought.  (i'm a spontaneous man)

But then writing is a much more refined route from the mind, than speaking or even humming.

or do the same principles apply?

perhaps because writing is not necessarily shared, while anyone speaking aloud is already threatening his privacy though man's neighbor's notorious curiosity and ever-attentive nature. should a neighborly human be near enough to listen, and his ears will inevitably pry open a safe of unimaginable .. .. ... .. .. penance.*

*(i lack words in my vocabulary.)

opportunity spreads her legs

i just found out that Lloyd Kaufman (of Troma fame; "if you don't know [what Troma] is, you've been listening to too much hip hop and heavy metal.") is looking for a script for his next film. he says any genre would be fine as long as it is "daring and "extreme."

this sounds like a challenge. i am down.