Monday, June 14, 2010

"you're a douchebag."

yeah, well . . . fuck/

idon't do much to begin with. being honest is a pain in the ass, i bet everybody knows this.

and i'm sure there are plenty of books on the validity of "right" and "wrong."

all the signs point to "you've got yourself to blame."
occasionally i try to pry away the blame from myself towards other factors like my upbringing, or my parents.
then i think, "well fuck, i didn't really go the route they wanted me to, i just made my own way. chose my own friends. decided on my own not to do my homework or talk to that girl."

i know for a fact that there's no wrong way to go about living.

why is my way wrong? or am i just painting it that way for myself?

i'm definitely trapped, but why?

and you can assume i won't heed your advice; most usually it doesn't "sound right" or "feel right" to me.

"but nothing feels right or sounds right to you!" yer saying. i know i know, fuck it. fuck you.

and then the war's not worth it and i give up. even giving up requires a decision. like: where do i go from here. there's a freeway conveniently located a few blocks away, you could just close your eyes and walk in there ...
or if i happen to be driving a car (i've found myself in this situation several times), it's really simple to just lean harder on the accelerator and trail off to that car over there, or maybe that desolate bus stop ...

of course, though, there's sinsemilla, which will give me a pleasant (some might say "normal") appetite and later put me to sleep. and when i wake up in a stupor, i could wander around the streets and forget my worries and venture into my daydreams and another day will fly by and bring about the nighttime and i'll find myself wondering why i don't do shit and where my day went.

hey, an earthquake.

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