believe in hell--

it's nice to know i'm on the verge of something big.

i don't know how big this moment will be, but i know it's approaching.

reading Aztec (Gary Jennings)/ just another reminder that all types of people have always resided in one place or another on this earth. it's a damn shame some people shape civility into their own image/

a city filled with familiarity and emitting warmth and joy 

despite it's hellish underbelly and ugly/crazy people.

i'm not ruling out anybody. 

we're all hideous and we all reek of human; we are all insane.

i'm about to lose my head.

and i'm not mad. only frustrated. 

it'll pass.

thoughts in a room with my grampa sick in bed--

i don't want to see him.
if i see him it will change the way i will remember him.

what good will i do watching him just lie there?
i've got nothing to ask him or talk to him about.

i'm in the room, he's very skinny now.

he's bandaged up; eyes shut tight, he's clearly in a lot of pain.

hi grampa.

he stares at me; his blue eyes are nearly transparent. 

does he even recognize me? 

he's wearing a goatee.

he's never worn a goatee before.

SEE MY GOATEE would definitely be cheering at him right now.

i can't help but think of other tim & eric skits and songs.

he's now groaning loudly, the nurse is coming in.

i'm feeling somber.

there's a cotton ball in my dry throat.

i leave the room now.

family is something i constantly lose faith in.

drama brewing around.

gossip. arguments. bullshit.

i get angry.

my right eye begins to twitch.

day dreaming is no longer safe.

i pick up AZTEC and begin to read.

it gets late.

i get high/